Innovating the HOBO game.

Begging is hard, begging for money is harder, so that’s why I am amused by the new and evermore creative techniques NYC Hobos are employing now. The usual hobos are still abound, with their odor-ific charm and the gluttony of plastic bags containing lord knows what, but the new breed is taking a different route, the route of down on their luck.

I’ve had people from all ages approach me with a usually very sad story, a realistic sounding story of things gone awry, or pleas of understanding. Of course, I doubt, none of them are ever true because if these stories were real there would be many other courses of action other than asking for money from random people.

Here are some of the stories I’ve heard:

1) An old Indian man approached me, in a suit, with a black eye. He started talking to me, telling me how his visa and wallet were stolen, how he had to stay in a Sikh temple for shelter where he was assaulted for whatever else he had left and now he needed money to get on a greyhound bus to go his friend for shelter and safety. He wanted $30 dollars. Such an obscene amount only added to the realism.

And you know what…I gave it to him. Did I believe it? Not really, but it sounded so real, he was very convincing and after a 10 minute pitch I thought he deserved it for the effort. I guess I wanted to believe it was real. So how did I find it wasn’t real? Because 3 months later another Indian man came up to me with the same exact story, with black eye and all. Well slap my ass and call me Shirley, I was duped.

2) Just today a young black guy approached me with a speech about manliness. His words were and I quote “please don’t look at me less of a man or think im some sort of a crackhead”….you…of course not. God forbid I imagine anything less than of a god of a peddler. He told me a story about how he is living in government supported housing with his son among crackheads. That maybe I can help him out with some food while he is out searching for a job.

If he wants to eat, all he has to do is ride the E train and wait for one of those charity workers to walk around with free sandwiches. Not go up to random people hoping to hit success. Though I doubt sustenance is his main focus right now.

I really gotta give it to the new breed of hobos. They dress nice, they don’t stink, they offer you a story of their own salvation and how you can be a part of it and whatever else that can tug at your heartstrings. While this may work for them (and I am guessing it is because it is starting to grow) it fails with me for one reason: I have a job.

…And trust me, if I can hold down a job, anyone can. I don’t find their stories saddening because let’s face it, this is NYC…birthplace of hustlers. Also if someone healthy and well dressed is going around asking for money or food they have much better means of getting this stuff instead of simply asking for it. Their elaborate stories only give them away because put in too much effort into a lie and questions start being raised.

…And seriously…skip the heartfelt pleas and statements of dignity while begging for money. The oxymoronic nature of it is painful.