GET BACK TO YOUR INDIE MUSIC

I know currently it's cool to call yourself a "nerd" or a "geek" but please stop. Sadly, in this age of 80s revival, green movement, hipsters and yuppies invading every facet of life, everything previously considered uncool has become cool again. But in the interest of helping fad devouring, culture zombies (aka Hipsters) I will point out why if you currently own any t-shirts declaring your nerd or dork or geek status please throw them away and go back to your vintage Sex Pistols tees.

Reasons why you most likely are not a nerd:

1) Remembering cheesy old 80s cartoons and using them as references during your 80s theme home parties does not make you a nerd. Thundercats = nostalgia, not a derogatory status.

2) A nerd doesn't call himself a nerd. Think about it.

3) The word means and implies the anti-thesis of everything popular. See the problem with you calling yourself a nerd because it's cool! Retard. It doesn't express your individuality because the term is applied to you, not given to oneself....and no, your equally douchy hipster friend calling you a nerd doesn't count.

4) If you can't name 10 flavors of Linux right off the top of your head...you're not a nerd. Add -100 points if you're reading this on a Mac....then most likely you aren't even PC proficient.

5) If you haven't stayed up till 4 in the morning on a Saturday entangled in a heated debate about quantum oscillations or angiogenesis on science message boards (Yes, those things long before before Myspace, Facebook and Twitter) then you're not a nerd.

6) Steve Wozniak, Bill Gates, Silvano de Gennaro, and Ray Tomlinson. These guys are nerds. If you have to Google these names up to know their relevance (besides Bill Gates) then you, my friend, are not a nerd.

7) Have you taught yourself a programming language? (HTML doesn't count) Have you ever dreamt about a perfect OS? Right down to imagining the best filing system? Does the idea of Quantum computers excite you? Quick: What's a teraflop?

8) Your idea of upgrading your computer is buying the new refresh of MAC. That's just sad.

9) You actually care where your pima cotton, enzyme washed, vintage feel tees come from. You wear skinny jeans and paid more than $50 for them. Add +100 points if you know what Pima cotton is. You look in the mirror before you leave your house.

10) Forget Mountain Dew, you don't even touch soda of any kind.

11) You own clothes for special occasions that actually fit and are fashion relevant past year 2000.

12) You haven't named your pets X, Y and Z.

So hopefully the above mentioned points can help you figure out whether you are, in fact, a bonafide nerd, or someone who simply does what is perceived as cool. Please read carefully and respect the status. There are men of value who are labeled as nerds...you most likely aren't one of them.